sitting, waiting, wishing...

He’s been there.. the "real" there- Baghdad… for a few days now, officially. How do I feel? Well, the first day he was there I almost broke down a few different times during random conversations, and felt pretty darn crazy. Luckily Josh was able to call me and I could get it all out to him. I feel so much better when I hear his voice- it soothes me to my soul and I feel like I can breath again, and start all over in my away-from-josh-o-meter. He’s doing well, they’re apparently just hanging around there for a few days… which is just another waiting point. I’m a little more crazy now… how will I be once he starts running around in the city?

I’m still waiting until I hear whether or not he’ll be staying at the camp he’s at or in the city in a house.. basically in a house they’ll pretty much have little contact with phones and no internet. You can see the obvious choice I’m praying so hard for.

It’s hard to keep your composure for so long.. eventually it starts to slip. I’m trying to hard to stay positive, but I’m starting to slip. I’m failing to see the point of him being there. I’m hoping with everything I have that they make a difference and can help the country, but I’m not seeing it. I know I have to give this latest plan a chance, and I will. I just miss him and selfishly want him home.

So I’ll continue to avoid the news and the newspapers, and magazines, and websites to try to stay ignorant of what’s happening. Because regardless of where something is or what happens, if I hear of something bad on the news- I’ll immediately think it’s him. That is a crazy and horrible feeling.

Hopefully soon I’ll have more eloquent things to say, right now I’m just waiting for joshua to call, since I haven’t heard from him today. Hoping this goes well, praying for the best and sending positive thoughts- trying to corral as much positive energy as possible and send it his way. I just want him safe and want to get through this as easily as possible.

Until then, I love you baby!