A new room to call home

So here I am.. alone in a 2 bedroom apartment in Sacramento with my stuff half still in boxes. It is slightly reminiscent of about a month ago when I was leaving Kansas. Stuff everywhere, half put in boxes, half spewn about. The only difference is that this time last year Joshua was right next to me, spooning the shit out of me.

Hell, this is awful. My… our… bed is in a new room in a new town with no Joshua to be found. You have to empathize here. I’m so used to having him in this bed with me. His body here, his smells, his inevitable sweat covering the sheets during the night. The fat that I don’t have any of that except a faint sharpee residue from a said sweaty night and a sharpee’d shirt. Damn I miss him. These next few nights will be hard. It’s never easy to change gears. I shifted into home mode, and I found a pretty good rhythm there. Fall asleep to the tv every night on the couch so I could distract myself from thinking in bed at night… leave my computer on full blast so I’d hear him sign online, and of course- my phone plugged in and right next to my ear. Now I have to re-establish a routine, which hopefully will be easy once cable comes in on Sunday.

I talked to him yesterday for about 3 minutes- it is all his phone card had left on it. It was such a tease. Such a nasty tease. All I got was an I love you and an I miss you out before it hung up. Nothing since, over 24 hours. Boooo. I hate this waiting thing, hoping he’s ok. He went into Baghdad about 3 days ago for the first time. This was news to me when I heard it… I didn’t know he was already doing ride alongs. He said he had fun and it seemed like his platoon was well trained for what lies ahead, but shit. It’s real. Once he starts patrolling around the city, there’s no realer it can get. What the hell… how do you distract yourself from that? Especially with no job…. Damn.

So bottom line, I miss the hell out of him and I’m so sad to be in our bed alone. In a new place that he’ll never see, unless there is some overlap in lease coverage or I take a few pictures to send to him. I just can’t wait to see him on his 2 weeks, whenever that may be. Hopefully it will be in September like he asked… 7 months. I can do that. That’s easy. Just have to get to that point and keep my eyes on the prize. Until then, I LOVE YOU JOSHUA WITH ALL OF MY HEART AND SOUL, AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU AND AM THINKING OF YOU EVERY SECOND. I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!